Saturday, June 18, 2011

The Living Years

When this song first came out back in the 80's, it made me think of my own father and cry. He's still living, but we haven't had the best of relationships over the years. It can be hard to say how you feel, especially when there has been a lot of hurt involved.

After my brother died, this song made me think of him, and how he finally communicated what was in his heart to our father, talking to him for the first time in many years,less than a month before he died in a tragic car accident. I am glad my brother and father had that chance.

Now this song makes me think of my sister. My father wants nothing more than to tell her how much he loves her and to put the past to rest...but my sister wants no part of it or him.

This is the same sister I haven't had a conversation with in over 30 years. The last time we talked, she was 8 years old. I don't even know her and it is very likely I never will.

If I had the chance to say something to her today, it would be a piece of advice:

Whatever it is that you are feeling inside, good or bad, you should let out and set it free. It's a lot easier in a letter or an email than on the phone or a face to face conversation. Pour your heart out, cry some if you need to, pour out some more, and when you have said enough, send it and breathe a sigh of relief.

You don't have to have a relationship with him, you don't even have to forgive him. Just let the pain go. There is a whole lot you are holding onto and keeping inside and if you don't let it out it will eat you from within and destroy you. And he isn't getting any younger and he isn't getting any healthier and if you don't do it soon you may lose your chance to release the hurt and be free.

Don't do it for him, or anyone else. Do it for yourself.